Not much went on during this time, so I decided to combine the last few days of January, which was the WORST PART OF 2006 SO FAR. Pretty sad. 2005 ENDED HORRIBLY AND THEN THE IMPOSSIBLE HAPPENED!!! 2006 BEGAN EVEN WORSE!!! I guess the most recent time that I had a "decent" year was between 2001 and 2002. I really don't know what to think about 2006. I have had some REALLY bad years in my life, and this one ranks up there with them. Lets see, without giving reasons, I'm going to list the worst years of my life. I'll put them in order with the top one being the worst. I'm sure you are all SO excited to know this:
1996
Beginning of 2006
2003-2005 - especially the end of 2005
1987-1988
1983-1984
It's only February, and I'm already hoping 2007 will be better, because this year is already looking pretty bleak. It can only go up from here, right? No. Things can always get worse.
Wednesday, January 25 - Day 21
I stayed home sick in bed. The physical therapists started working with my mom already, and she told me she took 10 steps using a walker! It was on this day that I realized my mom could not walk, and if things didn't get better, she would never walk again, or never walk again without a walker, which she still does not know how to use. I feel so angry. I feel like so much more could have been done to prevent all of this. Although my mom is now eating again, has her sense of taste back, and isn't tired and lethargic all the time, I still think whole ordeal COULD have been MUCH less serious.
Thursday, January 26th - Day 22
I got a phone call to go down to the hospital where my mom is staying to sign some papers and then I visited with her. Oh was that a busy day. I felt so awful but had to go out and run errands anyway. To the bank, downtown to pay a utility bill for my parents because it was late. I SWEAR I was downtown for almost an hour for something that should have taken about 15 minutes because I'm not familiar with it at all. There are lettered and numbered streets. I think the numbers go up to 15; I have no idea how high the letters go. I think I've never seen anything past hmm...maybe L? I don't know. I just know I was probably on each one of the numbered and lettered streets at one time or another. Anyway, some of the streets are one-way and some are not. I drove around in circles because I kept hitting one-way streets and needed to go the opposite way. I found the place I needed to go easier than I found my way toward home. I have lived here for about 28 years. I felt like an idiot. But I hardly ever go downtown. I HATE it down there. I know I went some other places as well, but I think I blocked most of that day out of my head.
Friday, January 27th - Day 23
Home sick in bed again, this time with a migraine that lasted 4 days.
Saturday, January 28th - Day 24
It was laundry day again for my dad. I also picked up some clothes for my mom to wear...all she had were hospital gowns. I felt so bad that I had not brought her some clothes sooner, but between being sick and running errands, I didn't have very much time to do anything else. I didn't end up getting there until about an hour before visiting hours ended because of more crap that I had to do.
Sunday, January 29th - Day 25
I didn't see my mom, but I called her. My method is to bug someone at the front desk to go to her room and help her call me. Maybe if I do this enough, they'll get her a better phone or something. She told me that she wasn't going to be released from the hospital until the wound from her leg surgery was healed. I asked her if she told my dad, who was starting to become very anxious that she wasn't coming home any time soon. She said yes, and I thought, uh-oh! He's not going to like that!
My dad feels like he is on the verge of a "nervous breakdown." He has always struggled with anxiety and depression, and tends to catastrophize things. I really don't want to go into all of my dad's problems...this is about my mom and while it is affecting him VERY negatively, I don't think this is the appropriate place to write about him.
I'll just say that he's depended on my mom since they've been married, they've never been apart this long, and he has always suffered from anxiety and depression. It seems like every day he is getting worse, and it's at the point now that I have to drive him to see her...he lives 15 mins. away from there, and I live 5 mins. away from there, so you can see how frustrating and time-consuming that is. He just feels "paranoid" about everything and is afraid he will get in an accident if he drives there himself, which he has been able to do in the past. There's no reasoning with him. I feel badly for him and try to take him to see her as much as I can, but I need time alone with my mom. And he has become so forgetful. I think I mentioned how he will ask the same questions over and over or call me several times throughout the day to either ask the same question or confirm something. They don't have the greatest relationship though, and my mom doesn't really mind if he doesn't come to see her every day, though he feels badly if he doesn't...like she will be upset with him. He and I never got along that well either, but spending more time like this seems to have brought us a little closer. I guess I talked about him more than I intended to. Anyway, I feel like I'm taking care of both of them.
Monday, January 30th - Day 26
Still in bed with a migraine. And I feel like the cold or whatever keeps coming and going. I have pretty much neglected my health this whole time. I think my body is trying to tell me something. I think it's trying to tell me to slow down and try to get my life back in order. Now I just have to figure out how, or if it's even possible. I don't know if it will be possible to slow down any time in the near future.
I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!!
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