I don't know where to begin. I do know that with my penchant to be very detailed and my talent for rambling, I'll probably never end. It took me a week to be able to finally be able to coherently write about my feelings without becoming upset, crying, or just plain not making sense. Also, this was written over the span of several days. Okay, I'll try to start at the beginning…
I think I first saw Steve Irwin on either Jay Leno's or Conan O'Brien's late night talk shows several years ago. He was like someone I'd never seen before. SO enthusiastic. I remember just kind of sitting there thinking, "Who the heck is this guy? What's up with him?" But it didn't take him long to take my mind off how odd he was and start cracking up at his antics…both the crazy dangerous stuff he did, and this way he had about him that just made me feel like I were hanging out with him and Jay or Conan or whoever having a fun time with animals. I can kind of visualize seeing him on this blue mat…kind of like those gymnastics mats…bringing out these dangerous animals and freaking Jay (I'm pretty sure it was Jay) out and thinking it was no big deal, all the while just getting SO EXCITED about every animal, every action of every animal…everything! And I thought he was quite a good looking bloke as well. That doesn't hurt. Yes, fickle Jess. Good looking bloke on TV = Instant Crush. Of course as the hosts always do, at the end of the interview they mention whether the guest has a TV show, movie, book, etc., that they're promoting. So when Jay mentioned Steve's show, it was my mission to find it. Thank goodness by then that our cable company graced us with Animal Planet.
I've watched his shows ("Crocodile Hunter," "Croc Files," and "Croc Diaries") and followed him for a long time...years! I also learned a lot about his family life. I've seen clips of his wedding and Steve and his wife Terri talked about how they met...it's incredible how they met. There are so many incredible, hilarious, dangerous, and happy moments that I remember from all of his shows. I pretty much saw both of his children being born. Literally, the camera crew from his show was in there and they showed Steve taking the baby out of Terri. After watching so many shows about not just his animal adventures, but his personal life as well, I almost felt like part of the family…like Steve and his family would come to my living room almost every day and hang out…telling us about their adventures and the good times they had together as a family. They were truly one of the most loving and caring families I've ever seen.
So then there was the magic of Tivo. YES! TIVO! ALL STEVE, ALL THE TIME! Hahaha. Before, I'd catch the show if I happened to remember and be around when it was on (which I believe was 3pm), but now, I could watch him EVERY DAY! How awesome was this??? And several shows in one day if my Tivo queue started to fill up.
I have to say that he was one of the VERY FEW people who could make me genuinely laugh out loud…and who could make me FEEL things rather than just sitting there staring at the TV but thinking about my problems. I felt like a person feels after they've had a good laugh…you all know how that feels I'm sure. Of course how could you not be glued to the TV when this venomous snake is trying to bite him in the leg? Or when he wrestled with and finally caught Agro? But that was not what kept me most entertained…it was his charismatic, enthusiastic, positive, passionate outlook for every minuscule thing that he said or did. "My goodness, what is he on?" I thought. He never slowed down! What was he so excited about? It's just a squirrel!" But his excitement became my excitement. I learned that those dangerous animals aren't so bad. Steve always made it clear that the animals were not coming after him; it was not their fault. He was the one who was invading their territory, but for good reason.
Steve was hardly ever unhappy. Only two moments I remember. The first…one of his favorite crocs, Mary, who he'd had for a LONG time, died. He was so broken up. He hugged Mary, practically lying on top of her and talking to her, saying goodbye to her, telling her what a good girl she was. Of course I cried too. The other time was even worse…his dog Sui. She got really sick and wasn't expected to live. He slept with her on the floor night after night. One morning he woke up and she was gone. He took it so hard. So did I…again, I cried along with him.
Every time I watched his show I learned at least ONE new thing about some animal I'd never heard of, or some way to treat a wound when little supplies were available, or what NOT to do when you came upon a black snake with a certain marking, that was, "The most venomous snake in the whole world. Isn't she a beauty?" said Steve, so excitedly you'd think he'd just won the lottery.
Just one thing that you all might think is silly…in one episode, the one in which Terri was giving birth to Bindi, she called him from the hospital and he answered the phone by saying, "Yeah, G'day, Steve here!" That just got to me, in a good way. I don't know why. It was just so NORMAL. I just LOVED that for some reason!
So where was I and what was I doing when I found out? It was a little before midnight on Saturday, September 3rd…one week from yesterday. Jeff and I were both sitting here in the computer room. Jeff was browsing the 'net, and I was watching some videos on my computer. I had my headphones on. Jeff tapped me on the shoulder and said something like, "hon, you need to take your headphones off and turn around." I thought he was either going to tell me something silly or something cool. I looked at him and said, "What?" and he said, "No, no, no, take your headphones off and turn around."
And then he told me. He simply said, "Steve Irwin died." I thought he was teasing me and was like, "What? No, shut up!" Then I saw the title of a thread on a forum that Jeff and I belong to. It said, "Steve Irwin is Dead." It was been posted by a friend of ours who lives in Australia, as he heard the news WAY before those of us in America…I think most the country didn't find out until they woke up Sunday morning. This was posted at 9:49pm Sat. night, US time, so it was already Monday the 4th in Australia. The post simply said, "Sorry to bring bad news, guys," along with a link. The link was to an Australian website, and in big black bold letters across the top of the page, it said "Steve Irwin Killed By Stingray." I still thought it was fake. I told Jeff to go check on snopes.com. Then he went to another site, and another...they all said the same thing. When it set in, I said, "NO! It can't be true! Nooo!" and a bunch of stuff like that, over and over. One of the sites said that he died at 11:21am. So I kept hearing "11:21am" over and over in my head…the numbers 9:49 and 11:21 just sorta stayed in my head.
I cried so hard that I ended up hyperventilating, getting dizzy, and giving myself a headache. I was up until almost 4am feeling stunned and not wanting to go to bed, but at the same time wanting to sleep so I didn't have to feel the pain of such an incredible loss. I don't know how many hours I cried for the next few days. I just still can't even believe it. Even after almost a week. I kept denying it and it some ways I think I'm still denying it.
The enthusiasm which he portrayed in every show, every documentary, was just so contagious. He made you love what he did, and want to always learn more. He's one of the few people in this world who are so passionate about what they do for a living. He did so much for this world. He taught so many about animal conservation, and about safety with all animals. He did do some very daring/dangerous things, but he was so well trained, and just knew exactly what he was doing. He was impossible not to watch and love. It made me happy every time I would either see his show, or see him on something like Jay Leno or Conan O'Brien, where he would just be so excited about EVERY SINGLE animal he talked about. What a HUGE loss for this world. I wish there were more people like Steve in this world. We would be a MUCH happier planet.
The world has lost a wonderful, caring, passionate person and I'm always going to miss him. He taught me SO much about animals and animal conservation…how not all animals are "bad" and there is more to life than just kitties and tigers. I'm gonna make myself cry again. I just woke up not too long ago and they're still burning from last night (this was on Monday morning, the 4th). When I woke up I was hoping I'd had a bad dream.
I feel so sad for Terri and his children Bindi and Bob. When someone who has children and a close-knit family dies, it makes me doubly sad. First I think about the loss of the person and what it means to me, but the thing that makes my heart break is the thought of the huge loss it is for those he left behind. And all of his staff…all of them were dear friends to him and he treated them so well. I know this was a big loss for his "best mate" and childhood friend Wes and his producer John. But all I can think of is Terri, Bindi, Bob, and Steve's dad. I can't help but feel the worst for Bindi…she loved her daddy SO MUCH. I know it'll be hard on Terri raising the two children on her own, but Bindi…you could just see how special the bond was between she and Steve.
He just had this HUGE passion for everything he believed in, and a passion for LIFE, that I admired so much. He was so dedicated to his causes and just had such an inviting personality; he made you feel like you were his best friend. Every time he spoke about something, he looked RIGHT INTO the camera, with his eyes all big, like he was looking RIGHT AT ME…like I was only one he was talking to and that I was someone important to him. That's just how he made you feel. HE LET you into, no, he INVITED you into his life.
I don't think there will EVER be anyone that passionate about anything as he was in this world again. He was one of the few people who could make me laugh and smile. I usually at least had a big smile (unless I was cringing when he was doing something dangerous) during his shows. I was always happy to see him pop up on television…I'd say "Hi Steve-O" and wave every time I saw him on TV, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I know it's dorky, but it was like seeing a friend. Even though I'm afraid to fly, one of my dreams was to see his zoo in Australia…and hopefully catch one of his live shows. But now…just…the world will never be the same.
So he puts himself in all of these dangerous situations with crocs and snakes and such, and dies from a freak accident with a stingray. It's just not right. No, it wasn't "his time." It was an accident. It wasn't planned. It just happened. That's what I believe anyway. Another thing that bugs me is that everyone keeps saying how he "died doing what he loved." But I wouldn't want to die doing what I loved...I wouldn't want the thing that I love to be the thing that killed me.
I just have so much admiration for him. He was a remarkable educator and so passionate about his work. He was so "hands on." and though he did get a bit too close at times, that was what made Steve, well…Steve! He did not just talk about what he was doing, he interacted with it. In doing so we interacted with him as well. He was just so hilarious and the greatest entertainer. How could you NOT sit up and take notice when you saw him? That enthusiasm was just SO contagious!
Steve was just such a "real" person. His enthusiasm and passion was certainly no act or fake persona that he put on for the cameras. And no one can have any bad things to say about him, because he treated everyone — humans and animals alike — with both love and empathy. These are very rare qualities…to find these qualities in ANYONE is SO rare. But to find these qualities in a globally successful "celebrity" is even rarer, if not impossible.
I know I can get over dramatic but I'm an emotional person. I think you all know that by now. What I'm writing is REAL though…this is really how I have felt and how I do feel, in the past and now.
There are very few individuals in this world who were as totally unselfish and genuine as Steve was. And he was someone that everyone could relate to. Because of his honest and genuine nature, we can feel that connection with his family and can almost feel for ourselves how his loved ones must be feeling. It is going to take me a long time to get over this tragedy. But I came across a quote that I think will help when I start to miss him, "It's not 'goodbye', it's, 'catch ya later, mate!"
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