I have to say that today was probably the second hardest and longest day of my life. I didn't think that was possible so soon. I got up at a decent hour, not too early but not horribly late. I was planning on going to see my mom today as per usual, so I ate breakfast and then took a shower. I was just taking my time getting ready because there was really no rush for me to get there.
At around 1:00pm I got a call from my dad. He said that my mom was going to have her gall bladder removed at 2:00pm. 2:00PM??? Wow, they sure gave me a great deal of notice. Yesterday (Monday the 16th) I was told that there would be a decision as to whether or not my mom would have surgery today, but I thought I would get ample notice! Lucky for me, I live about 5 to 10 minutes from the hospital (depending on traffic and parking). So I got ready as quickly as I could and hauled ass over there. My dad wanted me to bring him too, but then I would have had to drive about 15 minutes to go get him and then about 15 minutes to the hospital. I just wanted to get there before my mom went in, to see her off. He was not too happy about that, but that's a story for later.
I got to the hospital about five minutes before 2:00pm. A really odd thing happened. Once I got there and parked my car, I got out of my car and felt INCREDIBLY nauseous. I REALLY felt like I was going to throw up. While driving there, I was fine. It just kind of came out of nowhere. I didn't think it was my nerves. I thought maybe it was just that my breakfast wasn't sitting well in my stomach or that all of the rushing around messed up my stomach. I don't know. I suppose it could have been nerves or anxiety, but I didn't feel anxious until I started to feel nauseous.
Now you all know about my vomit phobia. I wrote about it at the beginning of my blog. So I was FREAKING OUT inside, worrying that I was going to throw up. I just felt EXTREMELY nauseous, I had that bloated feeling even though I didn't really have any food in my stomach...my stomach was just VERY uncomfortable. It wasn't that kind annoying nausea that you get now and then, it was STRONG and it felt like the real thing.
Because I thought I might be over there quite a while, I thought Id bring my Nintendo DS to keep me occupied.. Unfortunately, Jeff had all of our Nintendo DS games with him at work, so I stopped by the section of the hospital where he works and got them from him. Before I had reached his department, I called him on my cell phone when I got to the hospital and told him how sick I felt. I told him I thought I was just going to have to turn around and go back home. When I got to him I gave him a big hug and he tried to convince me that I was just nervous. But I only felt nervous about my stomach, not about seeing my mom or about the surgery. According to what I'd seen and heard, its a fairly low-risk procedure. I told Jeff I couldn't go but he convinced me that I could. After a few minutes, I headed toward the main entrance.
The minute I went into the main entrance of the hospital, I felt sicker. I rushed to the nearest bathroom, convinced that I was going to throw up. I just took deep breaths and took sips from the bottle of water I had brought with me. I think I stood in there for about 10 minutes. When I started feeling a little better, I left and headed toward the elevators. Ugh. The elevators. Crowded, might not go directly to the floor I wanted, what if I vomit in front of all of the strangers in there? My mom was on one of the higher floors, and unless I got an elevator all to myself that didn't stop before I got to her floor, I thought I would be in trouble.
The elevators are in the first floor waiting area (as they are on every floor). When I got there, it was like there was a family reunion...more people in there than Ive ever seen. I thought there was NO WAY I could get into an elevator and go to a higher floor with all of those people. Elevator doors opened and closed, and people got in and out, and each time I hesitated. I walked out of the room and was kind of hovering in a hallway. I called Jeff again and he tried to calm me down and get me to go in. I said I would try. So I went back to the elevators and a lot of people were still there. I felt like I couldn't get my legs to move toward the waiting area. My stomach was still upset and it didn't feel like it was going to let up any time soon. Sometimes it came in waves, and just when I thought I was going to be okay, it would come back.
So back to the hallway I went. It was about 5 to 10 minutes after 2pm now and I really wanted to catch my mom before she went into surgery. I figured the hospital ALWAYS runs late and hoped she was still in her room. So I called her from the first floor. I told her I was there but I couldn't get myself to come up. She said it was okay if I couldn't; that she would understand. But I would HATE myself if I didn't make it up there. I told her I would try, but if I didn't get up there by the time they took her away, that meant I just couldn't do it.
So I called Jeff again (poor guy). He told me to look for the stairs and take those instead. It would be quite a walk, but anything was better than the elevators. So I found and climbed up the stairs. I got to the floor right below my moms and started to feel really sick again, so I went back into the hospital and I found another bathroom to hide out in for a few minutes...maybe 5 or so, because this one the kind that only had one toilet. Then I went to the waiting area and thought it would be safe to just take the elevator up one floor. But no...just as many people as there were on the first floor. Great.
I walked down a hallway and started to feel really hot and shaky and like I was going to faint. Luckily there was a chair in the hall and I just sat in it and tried to take deep breaths and relax. Ridiculously, I called Jeff again. He said to just go back to the stairs and he would stay on the phone with me until I got to my mom's room, which he did. He told me I was being really weird and I told him that he should be used to me doing things like this by now! As soon as I got into my mom's room, I was okay. A little nauseous at first, but it faded pretty quickly, and I stopped shaking. This hasn't happened to me in a long time...this sort of emet panic attack. I don't know what brought it on but I was so glad it was over. So once I got to the hospital, it took me about 20-30 minutes to get from the lobby on the first floor to my mom's room.
It was about 2:30pm and she was still there. No surprise. Like I said, they're always running late. I felt bad that I didn't pick up my dad, but they really didn't give me enough notice to do that! The staff didn't take my mom to the OR until about 3:30pm. I went with them down there and they were explaining to her all of the procedures, the risks and benefits, etc. Then the doctor asked her if anyone had discussed a possible kidney removal with her, and she said yes. I said something like, "Well, I didn't know about this...no one told me anything!" So they told me that from the tests they had run, it looked like her left kidney might need to come out too, and they would decide that once they started operating. Great. Now I really started to feel scared. And lonely. I was the only one there. I asked how risky the surgery would be. The doctor said she was at a higher risk because of her leg infection. I didn't know what to think. All I knew was that I was SO GLAD that I was able to make it up to her room. Otherwise, I wouldn't have known ANYTHING.
I asked if he knew how long the surgery would take and the surgeon said about 2-3 hours. They let me give her a kiss goodbye. When they started to take her away, the nurse asked me if I wanted to go to the waiting area. I said I might just go home for about an hour since it was going to be so long. Then I changed my mind and she took me to the waiting area, which was the same day surgery waiting area. I found that odd, but since I wasn't thinking clearly, I just walked in and sat down. I gave her my home and cell numbers just in case I left. I told the nurse at the front desk that I would be staying there and asked her to let the staff know I would be waiting...that I decided I didn't want to go home.
I was so afraid and alone, I didn't know what to do with myself. Jeff and his co-workers were invited to go to a basketball game by one of the companies for whom they work with. The tickets were free, but they rented a limo and Jeff had to pay a part of that. He was getting off from work early so he could go home to change and get ready. I called him and he was at home. I told him about the kidney removal and how scared I was. If it would have just been the gall bladder, I thought I would probably be okay. But now a KIDNEY too? It really sucked that he was going to the game on an operation day in the first place. I told him that I wanted him to come and stay with me but it was his choice. He decided to stay. I felt bad for taking away an opportunity to have fun, but I really didn't want to sit there alone for hours waiting for my mom to come out of surgery.
So while I waited for Jeff, I called my cousin and let her know what was going on. I told her to let her mom (my aunt) know too. My dad called me and he said he wanted to come, and asked me to pick him up. I didn't want to leave...no one was there yet, and I just didn't want to leave! He was too afraid to drive on his own...he felt too anxious. I thought Id call my aunt and ask her if she could pick him up on the way to the hospital, but just as I was about to dial the number, they came in. So I called Jeff and he said he would pick up my dad, so I called my dad and let him know (lots of calling going on huh? Am I boring you yet? ). So I waited there, all by myself, for everyone to arrive. I felt so small, so numb, so scared, in shock, like I was in a fog. I'd never been through something like this before.
Finally everyone was there...me, Jeff, my dad, my aunt, and my uncle. We hung around and waited, talked, Jeff and I played with our DSs, my uncle fell asleep on one of the couches for a while, Jeff got us some hot chocolate, I lied down on one of the couches because I was getting a headache. We waited. And waited. And waited some more. We watched doctors come out and talk to every family. Finally, we were the only family left in the waiting room.
We buzzed the nurse a few times and she said she had to check on my mom...she said she was still in surgery. About half an hour later we buzzed her again and she said my mom was in the recovery room and had been for about 15 minutes. Jeff was the one who called, and he told her that no one had come out notified us of anything. So she was in the recovery room and no one came in to tell us. She let us come in the back and said she'd try to page the doctor. Well guess what? He went home. She tried to call another doctor, but she couldn't get anyone. The best she could do was give me the doctor's phone number and leave a message that I wanted to talk to him, and she would also put a note on my mom;s file that I wanted to hear from the doctor or at the very least, her recovery room nurse.
P.S. I later found out that they had put me in the WRONG WAITING ROOM. When I later talked to a nurse about why no one ever came to inform me of when my mom was out of surgery, she said that someone came out and called for me in the RIGHT WAITING ROOM, but no one was there. Of course no one was there. They put me in the WRONG WAITING ROOM!!! So we waited ALL of that extra time to find out when she was out of surgery and if she was okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment