Monday morning my dad, Jeff, and I had a meeting with my parents' Estate Planner. We were very worried about money and we wanted to understand more about the reverse mortgage they had on their house. Apparently, my dad didn't really understand any of it and I was only fairly knowledgeable. The planner explained briefly what it was all about and Jeff immediately understood. We also found that the planner had set up a living trust for my parents...something we didn't know about and were worried about planning ourselves because of my mom being in the hospital. This trust allows my dad and/or I to make decisions about my mom in terms of what we can allow the doctors to do in the case that she is unable to do that herself. We were worried that she didn't have anything set up, because when she was first admitted to the hospital, we were asked if we had an Advanced Medical Directive or anything like that set up, and we said no. So WHAT a relief to find that out! My dad has one too of course.
I have yet to go over my mom's options in terms her wishes on life saving procedures and such. It's just too hard to talk about, and right now she isn't lucid enough. Back to the meeting...we talked about insurance and such, where we stood on everything, and that was about it. We decided that Jeff and I needed to go over EVERYTHING (all the bills, credit cards, etc.) and find out where they stood in terms of money. As soon as we got done with that, we were to plan another meeting.
Later, someone from social services called my parents' house. He was in the bathroom so I told the person that he would be right there. I asked who was calling and he said he was from Social Services asked if I was my mom's daughter, and I said yes. He asked how things are at home, and I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought to myself, "well it sucks right now, my mom is in the hospital." He said he meant with my mom and I said shes in the hospital. He said he works for the hospital and one of the nurses was concerned about my mom so he wanted to find out what things are like at home. He said he couldn't talk to my mom because she was asleep so he called my dad.
He asked me who took care of my mom. I don't know why, but I was confused. I was thinking in general. I think he thought she was sick all the time. I said my dad lives with her and I come over from time to time. And I mentioned she was very healthy before she went into the hospital and he said, "Oh so she could take care of herself?" and I said yes. I feel like such an idiot for not saying that in the first place b/c I didnt realize that he meant while she was sick, who took care of her, not who took care of her generally. I thought, why would she need taking care of? She's always so healthy.
Anyway, it pissed me off because if social services calls and is investigating, that means they think my mom has been neglected or abused, which is SO untrue. I called and went over there a lot, and took her to all of her appointments. Her stupid primary doctor just kept sending her to get tests and I wish he would have just admitted her in the first place. That might have helped the infection not spread. I feel like I let her down and let her get more sick.
Every day she just got worse because of having to go out, not being able to put pressure on that leg and having to because she had to be walked to the car and put in a wheelchair. I kept wanting to admit her to the hospital, but she kept saying she didn't want to go and I didn't know what to do...she seemed like she needed to be admitted but when I took her to her doctor a second time, he still didn't seem to think she need to be. It was the endocrinologist who got her admitted because of her high calcium levels but the major problem is her leg. He probably saved her life. Everyone Ive talked to said he's an awesome doctor, but hes a specialist. I'm going to see if my mom can start seeing MY doctor. I almost want to call her primary doctor and tell him where to go and call the specialist and thank him for his concern. He was SO concerned about getting her in the hospital.
There are things she hadn't told us about her health but how were we to know if she didn't speak up? I wasnt there with her every day, I didn't inspect her body and look for anything. I felt really pissed of and almost called them back. Jeff said that might make me look like I'm guilty of doing something wrong. I just want to know what it was that made the nurse concerned. And I can't even find out who recommended him...under the law she can remain anonymous. I am still bothered though and don't know what to do. I don't know if he ever went and talked to her.
I am feeling so crappy today, I almost don't know if I should go. I hate that my first instinct is to call my mom (as if she is at home) and ask her if I should go today...you know, like I was always calling her for advice? I just feel so worn out. I dont know how much longer I can go on with this. My dad is so depressed, I am too, and I'm tired, I cant get anything done b/c all I want to do is sleep. I am taking care of their bills and things have to be filled out and signed, I have to talk to her about what she wants the doctor to do if her heart stops beating...that is going to be really hard. I feel like I've finally grown up. I feel older than my years now.
At least the hospital is close to where I live. My dad just called and he is very depressed. I can hear it in his voice. He wants to go down and see her but he feels like he can't drive because is he too depressed, so I guess Ill have to change my plans. I was going to just be lazy for a while and go in a little later. Yesterday he broke down and cried when he went to see her, and I'm afraid he'll do that again.
Then we went to see my mom, and she was in a different room. AGAIN. Fifth change. But she did not have a roommate and it was a good-sized room. The nurse said she would most likely stay in there because she had really resistant bacteria and they didn't want her around anyone else. She seemed to be doing pretty much the same, maybe a little better. But she still had a hard time talking to us and was asleep more than she was awake. She'd say something to one of us that was barely audible and then she was out. I think part of it was that they had her on morphine and ativan (plus antibiotics) all going into her through the IV, but some of it was just from being so sick. We still stayed with her to at least be there for us and for her. Sometimes I went alone, sometimes with my dad, sometimes with Jeff, sometimes all 3 of us, and sometimes visitors were either there when I arrived or came while I was there. Family, friends, and neighbors came to visit. You really find out who your friends and close family are when you get sick. Things seemed to be going by quickly and slowly at the same time. I guess the days were going quickly (I expected her to be in there a few days, and at this point she had been in there for 4 days or so), but the recovery was going slowly and for me that seemed like a bad sign.
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